This is a patch work of random postings by people on ASG,
about what our Anti-Faq should contain.. I simply took what everyone else said and tried
to piece these together in some coherant manner.
This anti-FAQ may reflect less of what alt.showbiz.gossip's evolving state is, rather it reflects the history of the Newsgroup. If you found your way by search engine and are interested in Outrageous, unbelieveable gossip, then I suggest you find alt.showbiz.gossip on the Usenet!
: Must we continually remind people to please read the name of
: the Group! We gossip! Shameful gossip! Rude gossip! Nasty
: gossip! Outrageous, unbelieveable gossip! Gossips is the name
: of the game on alt.showbiz.gossip! If you don't want to discuss
:Jerry's sex life, then go to another group....quickly.....please!
ASG's ANTI-FAQ
Yet Another Bozo Who Forgot the Name of the Newsgroup!
1.0 Celebrity names and addresses. We do not give them
out (common sense *and* stalking laws).
Does anyone know how to reach Martin Sheen, preferably through
his agency?
>Okay, I'm gonna post this once, and then I ain't gonna post it
>again. Maybe it should go into the anti-faq. The appropriate
>way to contact an actor is through his or her agency, as this
>poster indicates. The way to find out what agency an actor
>patronizes is to call the Screen Actor's Guild. Look it up --
> it's in L.A., in the 213 area code.
2.0 Terminology on ASG
>> L______ is an acceptable term (we can say Lesbian, but we
>> have a long held fondness for L_______).
>> As are "Gay", "Leather Queen", "Wyman", "Dyke"
>> Faggot and Homo are not used
2.05 Why is the "L" word never actually written out on a.s.g.?
>
> Well, the creators of alt.showbiz.gossip -- and the ones who still
> maintain the site on their master server -- have always DETESTED
> the infamous "L" word and have threatened to disconnect a.s.g.
> if it is ever posted anywhere on thenewsgroup.
I don't believe this is true. Someone who was quite timid used
L_________once in an article, and it looked so silly, it stuck as
the common name. I have not heard of any sinister censorship thing
happening.
MORE ON WHY WE US L__________
>Ok, I've noticed this in a few posts now, and I am simply curious.
>Why does everyone in this group abbreviate the 'L' word? (I'm even
>afraid to say it now). Is it 'politically incorrect' to use that
>term?
Centre of the Known Universe replied:
No darling - it's an old, old, old, old, old story regarding some
troll who went ballistic when someone implied that guy who played
Data on Star Trek was gay - and when she was taken to task (after
insulting *everyone* twice over) for being an asshole and a
homophobe, she replied weakly that she couldn't possible be
homophobic because she herself was a L____ (as in she wouldn't
even spell out the word). Anyway, I believe she's now resting
comfortably at the bottom of Princess' moat, and L____ has
become THE asg spelling ever since.
2.1 "Gay as an Ungaro Spring Frock"
Gay as an Ungaro Spring Frock is an official ASG expression.
One could say "as gay as a picnic at the beach" or "as queer
as a three dollar bill," but one doesn't. In ASG one says
"as gay as an Ungaro spring frock."
2.2 We'll have to mention something about "breeder" here,
as well.
How about: " 'Breeder' is an acceptable term for heterosexual
if itis used congenially or playfully, with the understanding
that many heteros, bless 'em, don't fulfill their God-given
roles on this earth in helping to propagate the species, and
that many homosexuals do,in fact, breed."
2.3 More ASG terms
2.31 YABWFTNOTNG
> I'm not familiar with (YABWFTNOTNG) and I've seen it several
>times.
>Meaning?
Yet Another Bozo Who Forgot The Name Of The News Group
2.32 B.I.
>Catsswing wrote:
>> What is a "Blind item?"
In article hamlet@lupo.com says...
>It's a blurb written in braille.
(or a gossip item about someone, but you have to guess
who that someone is)
2.33 Plonking (to Killfile someone) & Reasons for!
-=JR=- said:
> Sometimes you do it in the hope the person you have killfiled will take the
> hint and reciprocate by killfiling you.
And sometimes it's done in a group context as a way of informing other
people in a conversation not to expect responses from you to a
particular person. Usenet is a very damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't place.
Oftimes you're either attacked when you respond to someone or goaded
when you don't. Ignoring someone silently is seen as being aloof and
snobby, when in other contexts it would be viewed as common sense. (It's also
difficult to defend yourself against perceived wrongs when discussions
generate into one-way attacks.) For whatever reason, Usenet seems to
DEMAND answers, and sometimes *plonk*ing someone is the best way to
signal those answers, at least to a specific person, will not be forthcoming.
- Elayne
>> > NaNcY - please add the post by Elayne to the ANTI-faq, it is the best
>> > explanation of why to plonk* I've seen.
>>
> Sometimes it is the only way to handle unpleasant behaviour - or rants
> about politics.
Well, rants in general. Gives the person whom you've killfiled a
chance to speak whatever's on his or her mind without being censored, but
doesn't force you to listen to him or her. The equivalent of walking away
from a particularly boorish person at a party, or side-stepping someone
wailing away on a street corner. Doesn't impinge on their freedom at all, and
enhances YOUR freedom not to listen to them.
- Elayne
2.4 ASG terminology dealing with Death & Dying
(Centre of the Known Universe) wrote:
> Was it Miss Lo who, when confronted with Katherine Hepburn's
> tribulations of the last winter, uttered the immortal
> ASG line...
> "Circling the drain?"
To which Marc Lostracco writes:
And when he does go, he will be officially...
"In the stereo cabinet."
Sook321 wrote:
> What exactly does it mean when you guys say someone is in the S.C. or
> Stereo Cabinet?
In certain religious movements, whenever someone dies, instead of
putting them in a casket, they surround them with speakers and play
their favorite religious ditties. The resulting construction is called
the Stereo Cabinet. They are very popular, for instance, among that
snake handler religion, where they have much use for them.
Matt Lupo
Craig Smith (smithcraft@mindspring.com) wrote:
: On 25 Jul 1997 13:02:32 GMT, lillibunny@aol.com (
:LILLIBUNNY) wrote:
:
: >Seeing as the term "in the stereo cabinet" is related
: >to my cat, maybe we
: >can relegate the spree killer (what's the difference
: >serial
: >between a killer and a spree killer...a lot of people
are dead either way)....
:> to
: >the
: >litter box among the other turds.
:
: So it's settled, then, by "the stereo cabinet's" creator:
:
: Normal human beings: In the stereo cabinet (with the cat)
: Vile human beings: In the litter box (with the cat turds)
2.41 Origin of "In the Stereo Cabinet"
hopems@utxvms.cc.utexas.edu wrote:
: re - the phrase "dropped into the stereo cabinet"
:
: Interesting euphemism -- where does it come from?
To which Gregory Primm responded:
In early October, lo those many weeks and months ago, Robin posted a
note regarding the passing of her beloved pet kitty. Many, many notes
were posted offering support, including the following truly astounding
and priceless item from the one, the only, lillibunny@aol.com:
"Having been through it myself, I know how you are feeling. I had my
cat freeze dried and he is in my stereo and can be seen through glass
doors in a sleeping position. I couldn't bear to put him in the
ground. Some people react strangely but it gives me great comfort to
always see the animal who was my good friend. Though I've had many
animals over the years, Spike was my special buddy and he will be
buried with me."
The thread subsequently transformed into "Freeze Drying Pets," a
thread to which lillibunny contributed some of the following quotable
quotes, all of which belong in some digest of truly disturbing
imagery:
"I'm not sure of the process of the freeze drying but it takes a
couple of months to complete. I think the cost depends on the size of
the animal. It is supposed to be a better process for preservation. I
did not want the eyes showing because I knew it wouldn't look
realistic, so I had my cat put in a sleeping position, with eyes
closed. Many people have asked how the cat got into the stereo to
sleep."
"Many times when I open the stereo door, my other cats go and smell
their deceased friend and can't figure out why he doesn't come out to
play."
"Putting my cat in the stereo cabinet wasn't so much because it
was a stereo cabinet but because it had a glass front where you can
store whatever you want. I didn't want my cat shut up in a closet. I
wanted to still see him day in and day out, that's why I opted for the
cabinet."
And the rest, as they say, is history. Truly one of ASG's finest
moments, if I do say so myself. And I do. Say so.
2.42 "getting hubcapped"
On Thu, 24 Feb 2000 01:48:31 GMT, charles.crossman@pei.sympatico.ca
({{{{{LCM}}}}}) wrote:
>On 24 Feb 2000 00:25:53 GMT, landonex@aol.comnospamno (LandonEx)
>wrote:
>
>>SKATER HARDING ARRESTED ON VIOLENCE CHARGE
>>
>>CAMAS, Wash. (Reuters) - Disgraced former U.S. Olympic figure skater Tonya
>>Harding has been arrested for allegedly smashing her live-in boyfriend's face
>>with a metal hubcap in a drunken rage, police said Wednesday.
>
>Oh good lord - it's the best intro celebrity paragraph of the year so
>far, darlings - it's got everything - "...disgraced former..." "...has
>been arrested..." "...allegedly..." ..." "...drunken rage..."
>..police said..." and of course the most quoteable part "...smashing
>her live-in boyfriend's face with a metal hubcap..." How can we work
>that into an ASG saying, darlings? It's a bit more than a bitchslap -
>but then this *is* Tonya Harding we're speaking of. I didn't read the
>rest of the piece yet - I hope nobody was killed, or this will seem
>like that shaudenfreud thingy. I can't help it though, sweeties - I
>just adore celebrities - they're so fabulous.
>
This sounds no less fabulous than Lillibunny's "in the stereo
cabinet"; the ASG term for a s'leb's death. I nominate the term
"getting hubcapped" as the official ASG definition for getting bitch
slapped.
My God(dess) Tonya, you just ~have~ to find your way to ASG, honey....
Kisses,
Alexandra
2.5 "Clubie"
Catty wrote:
> It wasn't an assumption, but a question, you judgemental clubie -
> (Copyrighted by...Marc? Lupo? Who came up with this excellent
>slang word?).
Matt Lupo wrote:
I coined that term and shall attempt to define it.
CLUBIE (or CLU-BIE) Pronounced "Cloo-Bee": 1) Phrase combining
the best elements of "clueless" and "newbie"; 2) One who is "new"
and "without a clue"; 3) Person with less than 15 seconds of Internet,
Usenet or World Wide Web experience who decides to post to more
than 300,000 news groups simultaneously regardless of whether
he or she has anything meaningful to say; 4) Virtually anyone who
posts notes that read simply "me too!"; 5) Virtually anyone who
quotes an entire 140K message just to add one or two lines at the
very end (such as "me too!"); 6) Person who posts notes
to "talk", "sci" or "comp" groups looking for nude photos of
"(insert celebrity here)"; 7) Someone who claims not to be a
journalist, but writes an "Internet Gossip Column" and quotes
dubious sources until he screws up big one day and gets his
butt sued back into the stone age(oops, sorry, that's the definition
of "Matt Drudge"); 8) Anyone,regardless of time on Usenet who
sees the "Dave Rhodes" note and says, "Hey, this looks like a
great idea!"; 9) see also: AOLoser, Nutcom, Delphi-Dickhead,
Dot-Edu-Morons.
Quoted from Dr. Lupo's Dictionary of Usenet Language
(currently under construction).
Matt Lupo
2.6 Origin of "A Friend of Dorothy" (FOD)
>In article (Alan Moorman) wrote:
>Ahem...could someone please explain to this particular ignorant
>breeder just where the expression "friend of Dorothy" came from?
>I understand what's really meant by this...I'd just like to know
>where the phrase originated.
To which Robert Matthews graciously answered: The "Dorothy" is
in fact theDorothy from "The Wizard of Oz"; almost from its launch
the movie was extremely popular with gay men (for reasons that
elude *me*; I think it'stiresome and jejune--I'm sure it had
something to do with the longtime popularity among gay men of
Judy Garland).
(insert correction by Amanda Tyrrell)
>I don't believe that the expression has anything to do with the
>Wizard of Oz at all. A dear old queen friend of mine explained t
>he origin of this phrase as follows. In the early 1900's in London,
>England, lived a socialite by the name of Dorothy King. In
>modern parlance this good lady would be probably be described
>as a fag-hag, since she used to hold
>regular soirees where the majority of guests were a certain
>type of Naval officer. The gentlemen would dance, sing, play
>charades and generally have a gay old time. Pretty soon,
>these officers began to indentify other
>like-minded chaps by asking others "Is he musical ?" and/or
>"Is he a friend of Dorothy's ?".
>>Alan added:
>>Another, similar, and likely sounding story is that Dorothy Dean,
>>a NYC fag-hag (who recently died, I think) was the origin of the
>>"Friend of Dorothy" concept.
(Robert Matthews continues)
The friend part, on the other hand, was because it became a
shorthand way for someone to signal to friends that the other
was also gay and therefore could be trusted and dished with.
At a mixed party (which is to say straights and gays),
the host could introduce two men by saying, "Paul, I'm not sure
you've met Fred--he's a friend of Dorothy's." To any straight
person overhearing, the host is merely providing information that
would help the men find common ground with which to begin a
conversation; the men, on the other hand, would understand
from this that they both were gay and could discuss matters
(no, not just sex) without each fearing that the other was a
violent straight man.
And to understand this you have to remember that for a very
long time in North America, it was not only dangerous to identify
yourself to someone as gay, it was generally illegal. (Both of
these are still true, depending on the location, but they're not as
universally true as they used to be.) There was not only an
enormous gay underground, there was an argot that signaled
gayness to those in the know but sounded neutral to
outsiders; it was so extensive that it practically constitutes a
languageall its own, and entire books have been written about it
(such as the splendid "The Queen's Vernacular"). Referring to
potential or past sex partners as "she" and "her" is one example;
it permitted men to discuss gay sex without exciting suspicion
and hatred, and this practice continues to the present day, even
though the need for it is far less than it used to be.
2.7 FOAF
On Sun, 18 May 1997 17:18:06 -0700, Cheryl Duffy
wrote:
>Everdean wrote:
>>
>> I'm sorry but I'm an AOLer so I need to ask a dense questions once
>>in a while:
>>
>> I know that "FOD" is "Friend of Dorothy" but what is FOAF?
>> Everdean
>> Queen of All She Surveys
>
>FOAF is Friend Of A Friend.
Which is not to be confused with FOAFOD, who would be a "Friend
of a Friend of Dorothy" and which when pronounced rapidly and
with a slur sounds disgustingly similar to "Fuck off and die" which
of course is FOAD and which, regrettably, is often confused with
the contraction of FOADOD, FOA'D. So if you slurred FOAFOD
you would likely be told to FOAD by FOD, FOAF and FOA'D.
I hope that clarify's the situation a bit more.
PaulX (friend to one and all, well nearly one and all)
2.8 Felching
Yes, we know what it means. (editor's note...if you really don't
know, ask there are plenty of people who would love to tell you!)
2.9 Merkins
: Okay, I'll bite (so to speak). For those of us who missed it...
: (blush) what's a merkin?
This is where I'd *love* to do my impersonation of my mother and
say: LOOK IT UP!!! ...but, I actually *tried* and was *apPALled*
to find it isn't listed in *any* of my "American" dictionaries...
thank GOD they're willing to save us from ourselves...
A merkin is a toupee for the genitals...
(It also has become asg's term for a male beard)
In article medusa@io.org wrote:
> kassa@delphi.com wrote:
>>Pardon my interest, but how do [merkins] attach? Can people
>>*tell*? Are they available in different colors? Does one size
>>fit all? Is that what William Shatner wears on his head?
>
> Merkins attach like a g-string, and they come in many colours
> and thicknesses. Shatner's rug is an excellent example of
> merkinine pile.
Or, there's the formal "strapless" kind, made as follows: cut a
triangle out of a wig or reasonably attractive swatch of fake fur.
Somewhere around the middle of the back of it, glue on a
baby-bottle nipple. Then... but no, I can't go on.
Steve
In article Bonnie Jo Noonan wrote:
> My question about the merkin is, Why?
Like unto that most useful of garments, the swimsuit, which keeps a
person warm and dry and in which everybody looks just great, the
merkin is worn for both warmth and its fashion allure. Also it gives
one something to fiddle about with during those long waits in airports
or dentists' offices.
Steve, fashion consultant
From: kassa@delphi.com
And think of all the LOOKS! You can do the braided Afro-thang, or
the prim preppy cut - wear it in a heart for valentine's day,
a shamrock for St. paddy's day, a cross for Easter...nah,
that'd be tasteless.
kassa
3.0 Discussion on Cunt as an acceptable term.
>>>Martha Stewart is a cunt too,
>>but Kathie is the Queen on the cunts
>>Please, I may be a bit sensitive, but I am of the opinion that the
>>twice-mentioned word above is the most objectionable word in the
>>English Language. If you feel that this is the only word to
>>adequately
>>expressyourself, could we please at least use "c___"? Please?
>
(Craig Smith) wrote:
>The word you find so offensive is derived from the name of the
>Great Goddess Cunti, or Kunda, in her persona as the yoni or
> womb of the universe. According to researcher and linguist
>Barbara G. Walker, other cognates are "cunabula," a cradle or
>earliest abode; "Cunina," a Roman goddess who protected
>children in the cradle; "cunctipotent," all-powerful (i.e., having
>"cunt-magic"); as well as the words cunning and ken: knowledge,
>learning, insight, remembrance and wisdom. Cunt is "not slang,
> dialect or any marginal form, but a true language word, and of
>the oldest stock."
>
>"Kin" originally meant not only matrilineal blood relations, but
>also a cleft or crevice, the Goddess's genital opening. A
>Saharan tribe called Kuntahs traced their descent from this holy
>place. In ancient writings, the word for "cunt" was synonymous
>with "woman," though not in the insulting modern sense, the
>way one of the words for "man" in Hebrew derives from its
>word for "penis." The vulgarity is purely a modern construction;
>it was merely descriptive to those in the
>ancient world.
>
>So on the one hand, this retrieves "cunt" from its negative
>connotations and restores it to its rightful position as a name
>or attribute of the Great Goddess.
(GREGG PRIMM) wrote:
>All of which has little or nothing to do with the fact that if there
>is one single word that I've found that can truly make most
>women (and some men) physically cringe upon hearing it,
>regardless of context, it is c___. Which, in my opinion, is a
>*very* good reason to avoid using it lightly, simply out of
>respect for the feelings of others. The etymology of the
>word is academically interesting (just as it is for any
>fother word, or that matter), but has little to do with perception
>or use in a modern context (ditto).
Plus, I don't think any of us were overjoyed to see the word when
it appeared in the original post that started this debate. It was
crude, and it was unnecessary. On the other hand, we did what
most people do when someone goes over the line in polite
company - we ignored it. Then someone popped in and said
that sort of language shouldn't be tolerated. And we got a little
gleeful in our protection of freedom of speech.
.
>>Just remember - I might fight to the death for your right to use the
>>word "cunt" in conversation, but if you say it in my livingroom,
>>you're probably not coming back.
>>But ASG isn't my livingroom. And when I choose to come here,
>> I choose to listen to what people say, the way they say it.
>>And if nothing else, I learned a lot of neat words like
>>cunctipotence.
>>kassa
>Perhaps with the caveat: that - too - is my right, and people who
>are ignored by the majority of the "regular" posters should go
>troll in other forums.
>
>-=Judith=-
3.5 Out of this discussion came the Rev.s of the Universal
Life Church
(Craig Smith) wrote:
>And, in a desperate attempt to keep this topic even vaguely
>appropriate to a.s.g., I should tell you that I have recently been
>ordained by the Universal Life Church (no, really!), which is where
>(showbiz reference coming...) Northern Exposure's Chris-in-the-
>Morning received his ministerial degree. (They will ordain anyone
> who asks; they have a Web site at http://ulc.org/ulc/.)
Et *moi*, aussi!!! And they say a.s.g. is a Godless group???
Now that the word is out, betcha Keanu and David come
*begging* for the service of their dreams...
>O-kay the rest of ASG......how about being the only group full of
>ordained Revs! ;-)
>The United Church of Gossip?! We can be a splinter group -
>somebody nail something to a door, will ya?
4.0 Spelling (words, not Aaron) tends to be erratic
As does grammar (ie: My gramma was erratic, er erotic).
>Um, while you're on this self=flagellation kick, it's
(referring
>to ASG's revered Abe Vigoda) spelled wrong in the
Anti-FAQ too.
Now that isn't my fault....I didn't write the anti-FAQ, I only
cut and pasted it....and no matter how revered dear Abe is,
I feel people's comments in the anti-FAQ are even more
revered, so I won't go fooling around with other's spelling,
punctuation, etc!
> jefe88@earthlink.net happened to mention:
Re: (sp?)
> I tend to do it sometimes with proper names. Usenet is not essay-writing,
> the point is to communicate. Indicating that you're not sure how
> someone's name is spelled isn't a sign of laziness as much as busy-ness
> and prioritizing. To me, it's shorthand for "Don't remember how to spell
> it at the moment, not currently in a position where I can do a lengthy web
> search or even a spell check in another program, but for conversational
> purposes y'all know who I mean."
4.1 Regional differences abound, we are, after all,
a World Wide forum.
4.2 We don't like stupid people 'round here.
>Well, only if they're so stupid they don't mind being Barb's
>plaything (for the moment)
4.3 Gossip is a bitchy game. Deal With It! ...and
YABWFTNOTN
People who complain about the mean and nasty things said about
their adored star shouldn't be surprised to have PMS fling
a personal favorite saying:
"Yet Another Bozo Who Forgot The Name Of The Newsgroup."
or possibly face expulsion.......
>>FACTS!!!!! FACTS!!!!! We don't need no facts! Shall we say, Yet
>>Anopther
>>Bozo Who Forgot The Name of the Newsgroup!!!!!
>
>Right after we show these bozos the door and right before we lead
>them
>to the catapult, I say we chant: "Joke 'em if they can't take a
>fuck..."
>Kisses,
>Alexandra
>ÑØ^Q…ñ
5.0 Alternatives to ASG
God - i went over to Alt.celebrities or something like that
looking for something interesting to peruse, and what a yucky,
sycophantic group! Ugho, everything was totally positive and
sugar coated. I'll stick with alt.sh.gossip....much better
and i'm grateful to be back!
>Here's a good suggestion for those who think it's too mean here.
>Decamp and march on over to alt.celebrities. I'm sure you'll
>find it much more congenial
In article <5mv34i$orp$1@news1.epix.net>, kdroms@luzerne.educ says...
> We're not here to work and play well with
> others; if you want that, go to one of the alt.support groups.
6.0 A sense of humor is your price of admission.
6.1 It's not that we hate all AOL posters. We just
hate all STUPIDposterS
6.2 All rules subject to change by whim.
6.3 It's a CABAL, dammit.
>NO! It's a C*B*L!!
6.4 You're not paranoid, we *are* out to get you.
Especially if you belong to categories 4.2 and/or 6.1!
We must not forget :
7.1 Quoting
Please remember that most people here don't get their
newsfeeds threads at the same time. Be considerate of the
fact and quote some of the relevant parts of the post you are
referring to!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No, no. This is just *too* sensible. It just doesn't .
belong here!
7.15 and SNIP out the unnecessary parts so we don't read and
re-read the same on-and-on (see "Drudge Report")
>Well, this one is sensible, too. But, I like it! But, I
>think I must add: (HUGE apologies if this has been
> mentioned --
>If at all possible, KILL the Drudge Report. Even the
>name just bores one to tears.
7.2 Quoting Again
Perhaps you could include some pithy statements on following
attribution lines? I just got my 20th post from some clueless
person asking me for information about things I didn't write.
Are the lurkers in here collectively more stupid than lurkers
in other newsgroups?
Let's get this straight, people: People who respond with one
line to posts are not implying that they (a) agree with or (b)
know anything about the material above theirs unless they
say so.
It's not rocket science....
(Editor's note.....there is nothing worse than finding your name
above some inane piffle which you had nothing to do with. Please
be careful when pruning to give credit for this piffle to the fool
who deserves credit for it!)
8.0 Never flame someone just because of their screen
name.
>Or their signature files.
9.0 Specific stories (also see incredible stories below
in Appendage II)
9.1 Richard Gere-his gerbil story is gospel truth. There are
at least a dozen posters in the group who know a friend of a
friend of a friend who was *in the hospital
at the time*. PS It wasn't a hamster - they don't have tail.
>Hamsters do too have tails. They're just little stubs above
>the plumbing equipment.
Actually I think the same is true of many of ASG's regulars.
9.2 n Sat, 31 May 1997 22:28:04 -0500, Mark Snodgrass
wrote:
>Does anyone have the entire story of Martha Stewart and the
>baby chicks?
>
>It was before I discovered this laugh factory of a NG>
So Martha has some chicks guesting on the show one day, no doubt
Easter, and she doesn't know what to do with her guests after taping
is completed. They're too small to served over rice (look too much
like mice carcasses, dontcha know). She couldn't wait for them to
grow up into full fledged chickens because the white guano would
conflict with complementing red brick sidewalk and green grass, unless
it was winter, of course, but then . . . well that was a whole other
problem. What to do with these nasty used guests? What . . . to . .
. do? Being the famous innovator and gracious hostess that Martha is,
she decided to, how shall I say, euthanize her housemates by
application of a great weight across their tiny bodies. Martha gently
placed each chick, no doubt festooned with a decorative and seasonal
ribbon around it's neck, into a paper bag. She then placed the bag
under the wheel of her vehicle, a sport/utility vehicle if memory
serves - all the better for ensuring a large surface area to
distribute the weight over (no half squished chicks that way) - and
backed over the bag. End of chicks, end of nasty, unwanted guests.
10.1 She vvvvvvvvvvvv owns the joint. Never dish her:
vvvvvvv
/\_____/\
/ o o \
( == ^ == )
) - (
( )
( ( ) ( ) )
(__(__)___(__)__)
10.2 Periodically, post pleas for celebrity lurkers to reveal
themselves.
(With those egos, someone's gotta crack, eventually!)
10.3 Never use the words "Correct me if I'm wrong, but . . ."
It's a given. Even if you're not, someone will.
10.4 Thread titles are invalid after the fourth response.
10.45 If this bothers you, please use the "unsubscribe" option.
11.0 Killing a Thread!
>Actually I think you need to use the word NAZI to officially end a
>thread.....Anyone who can't handle all the gay celebs must be a
>NAZI NAZI NAZI NAZI NAZI NAZI...... ;-)
Ah, the Sterling rule. Named after writer and bon
vivant Bruce Sterling,.
Sterling said that once the word Nazi was invoked,
the argument was rendered invalid.
>anima@io.com added:
>Bruce is a wonderful writer, and his book The Hacker Crackdown is
>freely
>available from the EFF (and elsewhere) in electronic form, but-- no,
>he is
>not the one who invented the Godwin Rule. Mike Godwin of the
Electronic
>Frontiers Foundation is the one who said that mentioning Nazis
>brought any
>thread to an end.
12.0 But, if you need to talk about how much you like someone,
you need to post elsewhere. This is for gossip, not
unadulterated praise. Unless you met them and interacted.
12.1 This is for gossip only. Celebrity worship prohibited
in this bandwidth. Unless it's Abe Vigoda!
12.15 In article <19981213150728.10894.00001533@ng-cc1.aol.com>,
mlyoung@aol.com (MLYoung) writes:
>Well, when I first lurked here, Abe Vigoda
>was a standard reference, but it's been
>literally *years* since I've seen that. I
>mean, if you want to revive Vigodaism
>in this thread, I'll withdraw my objection.
>
>--margaret
>
"Vigodaism"! Dahling you are Brilliance itself!
Reigning and Deigning
Pink Wishes
The Princess \^*^*^/
12.2 This place deals with adult topics. It is mostly for
adults. Teens who can contribute are welcome. But, in the
spirit adults communicating with each other, we use adult
language a situations. Immature conduct is frowned upon.
12.3 ASG is not a fan group. We do not bow down to any one
person. We have our favorites, but in ASG, celebrities are
nothing special. They can all be gossiped about.
or else be prepared to face seeing:
(""Yet Another Bozo Who Forgot The Name Of The Newsgroup."")
13.0 Posters who send vile and nasty personal attacks
via E-mail will be killfiled *and* copies of their spew will be
forwarded to their (gender neutral) postmasters.
13.05 Should said postmasters have partisan genders, they will be
assumed to be gay. Unless they're married, in which case
they are straight, because what more proof do we need! ;-)
14.0 ASG is not a film group. While we can discuss films ( as they
relate to celebrities) film groups are better places to discuss
those topics in real detail. The film groups can be found in the
rec.arts.movies.* section of the usenet.
15.0 (Give or take a dozen or three) UNWANTED ADS
Posting unwanted ads here will cause your genitals to
shrivel up, bad karma to strike you and your loved ones
(except cats), and your postmaster to get deluged with
irate asg mail.
(Alison R. Henritz) wrote:
>Recently there have been a few ads on the ng, not even
>showbiz
>related stuff which people might like to read. I propose that
>we officially ban such ads from our ng!
15.1
I always send a complaint to both the poster and the service the
ad originated from. If they get enough complaints, it will help
reduce the unwanted posting. Most services and can be reach
with the address postmaster@name.of.server Never reply directly to an
ad on a group, since that will just give it more exposure as well as
possibly adding more needless spam to Usenet groups.
16.0 Movieline is our Bible and we shall have no Bible but
Movieline!
Subscriptions for a year is around 10.00.
Movieline's address:
is MOVIELINE P.O. Box 469004, Escondido, CA 920
17.0 Web Pages ASGers have found handy.
Moveline On-Line
http://www.movielinemag.com/
E! Online
http://www.eonline.com/index.html
Mr. Showbiz
http://www.mrshowbiz.com/
CyberSleaze
http://metaverse.com:80/vibe/sleaze
Entertainment Mag. Online
http://pathfinder.com/ew/
La Dolce Musto-Michael Musto
http://www.villagevoice.com/columns/musto.shtml
Hollywood Inside
http://www.ez2.net/hollywood/index.html
Premiere Magazine
http://www.premieremag.com/
People Magazine On Line!
http://pathfinder.com/people/web/index.html
Entertainment Tonight!
http://www.etonline.com/
Hollywood On Line!
http://www.hollywood.com/
National Enquirer
http://www.nationalenquirer.com/
Gossip Centeral
http://www.plesser.com/Gossip.htm
Dead People Server
http://dpsinfo.com/index.html
Internet Movie Database
http://us.imdb.com/
18.0 The ASG goddess speaks on why private e-mail
should not be posted the group:
If someone is *threatened*, they should forward the mail to the
offender's postmaster. It's pointless and a waste of everyone's
time too forward it to the group. It's merely an attempt at
embarrassing the person who e-mailed you, and frankly, I think
it is much more embarrassing to the person who posted the
private e-mail. If you don't like something someone mails you
can either ignore it, or if you honestly think
it's harassment of a frightening nature, take it up with
postmaster. To post it is petty and immature,
and deserves no support whatsoever.
18.1 More words of wisdom from the ASG Goddess:
As far as I'm concerned, anyone has a right to post anything
they like on this, or any other group. HOWEVER, they should
then be prepared for any and all responses. That's the thing
about the net, kids - you posts you thoughts, you take you
chances. If you can't take it when people don't respond to you
the way you want them to, then it's probably better if you
don't post it in the first place. This isn't a playground,
and we don't have a yard monitor making us play nice. Feelings
get hurt, and since you can't control what others
say to you, you need to not put it out there if it's going to
devastate you to get snide responses.
>Hey, I think this thing's got possibilities. It probably
>should be called the anti-FAQ, tho.
"Haven't you seen the anti-FAQ yet you mindless twit...go to the
corner immediately and await BARB!!!!!!!
19.0 Words of Wisdom from Lisa:
>"never argue with children or those who believe that sexuality
>is actually simple enough to be explained by statistics"
20.0 ASG Mind Manipulation
>Free Masons - Scientology - Alt.Showbiz.Gossip, yeah, they all
>have a or religious ring to them - CONTROL _ MIND MANIPULATION
>_ CONFORM OUT CAST _ MEMBER DEVOTION _ GROUP
>MEETINGS OF THE MIND _ and last but not least THEIR OWN
>PERSONAL BIBLES.
You are feeling sleeping, very very sleepy, your eye lids are getting
heavy, very very heavy......you will do what I say.....you will
CONFORM..CONFORM I DEMAND CONFORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And don't forget to prostrate yourself before Barb the next
time you are here!;-)
21.0 You Know you Have Done ASG when....
In article (morisot)
>writes:(Mary McCarty) wrote:
> YOU KNOW YOU'VE DONE ASG WHEN.....
>>* A thread you're really interested in turns into a flame war
between
>>one netcom person and three aol'ers, who are actually the same
>>person using three different logon id's.
>>* You no longer have the energy to respond to the psychotic fans
>>and Pollyannas who think "there's no reason to be mean"
>>and, finally
>>* You can tell that the gerbil story is coming because your
>>arthritis starts acting up.
21.1 And more...YOU KNOW YOU'VE DONE ASG WHEN.....
:JAne mispels your naem
:Self-proclamed columnists bore you
catty@zen-centaur.demon.co.uk (Catty) wrote:
>>You Know You've Been Reading Too Much alt.showbiz.gossip When...
>>
>>...you're in the process of changing the top sheet on your bed (Just the
>>top. Don't ask - well, alright, it was cat-barf, ok?), and you find
>>yourself interrogating the contents of your linen closet. "Are you a
>>Top? or a Bottom?" -- Jane
>
>...you announce to your friends - "So-and-so is in the SC now.
You make a remark about Patrick Stewart's package and your
friends wonder why he's sending you a Christmas present.
>From efar@interlog.com (Marc Lostracco):
>You Know You've Been Reading Too Much alt.showbiz.gossip When...
You spend all year guessing what ornate room the Princess will
be posed inin her Christmas card.
22.0 Stipe's HIV status!
> Wouldn't Stipe's rumoured HIV status be of concern?
Stipe is _NOT_ HIV positive. Do we have to go through this thread,
again?
23.0 TWANS
: In article , (Mary McCarty) writes:
: >I hereby resolve to refer to Anna Nicole Smith only as The Widow
: > Anna Nicole Smith.
How about simply "The Widow Anna Nicole?" This would help us
avoid future confusion in case she does a repeat (encore?)
performance. She's young, yet; it could happen!
--
TWANS is also used to refer to The Widow Anna Nicole Smith.
24.0 Memorable Quotes
dmhartma@students.wisc.edu says...
Or, the phrase could just be the work of some PR flack, slinging
hyperbole around like cheap cologne... description of "paid
professional liars"
25.0 Awards
>Newsgroups: alt.showbiz.gossip
>Subject: Re: Mickey Rooney Sodomized the Young Liz Taylor
>this thread title has to win some kind of award in the year-end "ASG
>Hall-of-We-Have-No-Shame" awards.
>Iane Morgan
Colin graced ASG with:
_(~~~~~~~)_
( O O O O)
( /\_____/\ )
( O) o o ( )
(_) == ^ == (_)
)_ --\, _(
( \_____/ )
( \ ) trailer trash kitty
( ( ) | ( ) )
( | )
(______|______)
|_______()__|
( | || )
( | || )
(________|________)
>Forgive my warped sense of humor. I'm really quite normal. ;-)
"Forgive"???? You should be enshrined in the asg hall of fame!
^^^^^^^^^^
Looove the grungy pink chenille bathrobe - where are the fur trimmed
"mules", though? -=JR=-
26.0 The ASG Death Premonition Rule regarding
Aged Singers.
>Hi! My wife is a keen Johnny Mathis fan. We last saw him on
>stage when he visited Australia back in 1984.
>(SNIP)
>So when's he coming back to these shores??
Sadly, you may have condemned him to death by virtue of your post.
Every time someone posts something to ASG about aged singers they die
within three or four days. Consider 1) Jerry Garcia and 2) Dean
Martin. And since celeb deaths always come in threes...well, you see
how severally the odds are stacked against him. I'm truly sorry about
this. I hope I'm wrong, but this is ASG, where the standard rules of
the universe don't apply.
Paul
27.0 How to tell if someone is gay according to Chris Peek
and others from asg.
paulb10@ix.netcom.com wrote:
> (Chris Peek) wrote:
How to tell if a celebrity is gay.
1: Denies they're gay in any way, shape or form...... puhleeeze..
totally gay.
2: If male and owns a siamese cat .... Membership to Lambda
in the mail.
3: If male and is very handsome.....maybe too handsome? - GAY!
4: If female and wears baggy clothes, and drinks e
xpresso - L_______!
5: Says they're "tired of labels" ...drag 'em out of the closet!
6: Says they're asexual-bisexual-omnisexual - just not homosexual....
GAY!
7: If successful and over 30 years old and has same sex
roomate....DUH!
8: "Doesn't want to burden the earth with more children" ..
hmmmn...GAY!
9: If male and can act, sing _and_ dance - GAY!
10: Any male member of the cast of of Star Trek TNG - GAY!
11: Gets married... how obvious----GAY!!-GAY!!-GAY!!
12: All males on the cast of "Friends" Yes even the monkey dammit!! -
GAY!
13: If female and doesn't have a boyfriend for more than 24 hours ...
L_____ !
14: Male and under 60 years old and wears cashmere
sweaters...GAY!
>15. Has long hair, is over 40 and is involved in some aspect of film
>production.
>Okay, here are my additions...
>
>16: Adopts a child - GAY!
>17: Scientologist - GAY!
>18: Male cast member of "90210" - GAY!
>19: Male who wears a silk scarf under shirt - GAY!
>20: Any male associated with Burt Reynolds - GAY!
>21: Female with "butch" hair - l______!
>22: "I don't discuss my private life" - GAY!
>23: Marries and divorces within time span of one year - GAY!
>24: Adult whose best friends are minors of the same sex -
Gay AND pedophile!
(pHd) wrote:
>> 15: Says they're a Bhuddist.... Right.... at the Fire Island Temple
>
>Actually, being a Scientologist is more telling than being a
>Bhuddist.
>That way you can disregard your true orientation by making yourself
>believe it's a choice, yet can still be a member of a liberal-minded,
>hip religion.
belaluna@ix.netcom.com wrote:
>In (-=JR=-) writes:
>16: Is a scienocultist
>17: Wears an ascot
>18: Ever dated Brooke Shields
>19: Ever appeared on "Ellen"
>20: Ever sang a "show tune" (extra points if it was in Civics class)
>21: Lives in California, New York, or any point in between
>22: Has had cosmetic surgery (extra points for multiple surgeries)
23. Is the child of a well-known celebrity
24. Appeared in TigerBeat mag as a teen heart throb
25. Has a mean tennis grip
26. Starred in one or more obscure art films
27. Has a vague, unresearchable past
28. Stars opposite Tom Cruise (or is Tom Cruise)
29. Gained their start in showbiz as a stand-up comic
30. Struggles to break away from gender roles
31. Was STAUNCHLY un-gay in the 80's
32. Admitted to liking Madonna as a person and an artist
33. Rumors fly previous to the release of an autobiographical novel
(Darlene Foster) wrote:
>In article <, trow@access4.digex.net
>says...
>>> 33. Rumors fly previous to the release of an autobiographical
>>novel
>>34. Celebrity uses three names (i.e. David Hyde Pierce).
>3 names = gay unless subject happens to be good old southern >boy.
>This means subject could be gay or just a hetro bubba. ie Tommy
>Lee Jones
28.0 Clinical Proof That Helen Hunt Is Not a Lesbian:
thicks@pipeline.com wrote:
1. I am not homosexual.
2. I find Helen Hunt intensely desirable, and would give my left
arm up to the right knee for one night of hot, sweaty -- and
heterosexual --passion in her arms. (This is also proof that I am
not homosexual.
[See 1.above.])
3. If Helen Hunt were homosexual, and I wanted to have sex with
her--and I do (see 2. above) -- this would mean that I wanted to
have sex with a homosexual.
4. People who want to have sex with homosexuals are, obviously,
themselves homosexual, and I am not homosexual (see 1. and
2. above).
5. Therefore, Helen Hunt is not homosexual.
This formula has been laboratory-tested and proven effective on all
suspected female homosexual celebrities, in both the L______ Lite
(e.g. Helen Hunt, Ellen de Generes) and Industrial-Strength L______
(Rosie O'Donnell, Jodie Foster) categories. Research on suspected male
homosexual celebrities is not yet complete.
29.0 Further discussion on "how to tell"!
Paul Moloney) wrote:
(Reuters) Fans of Liam Neeson were shocked to hear that the hunky
Irish actor was rushed to hospital were "severe abdominal pains".
After a 48-hour operation, it was revealed that several lesbians had
to be removed from Liam's stomach. Neeson (42) of Ballymena, Co.
Antrim, confessed to being "staggered" as to how comedian Ellen
Degeneres, actress Jodie Foster, and singer k.d.lang ended up inside
him.
A Warner Brothers spokesman, Gilbert O'Sullivan, said that the star
was bearing up well. Meanwhile, the former contents of Nesson's
stomach were unavailable for comment.
Centre of the Known Universe added:
>Who can say, sweetie?! It's a mystery of the age! Still, I think we
>might have another little tidbit for the Anti-FAQ here, darlings -
>*anyone* who ends up in Liam Neeson's belly should automatically be
>placed on the "maybe" list. Indeed, perhaps Liam himself should be
>put there just in case? I'm making a mental note to mention this the
>next time I'm asked why we say L____..
Jeff commented:
Only in a.s.g. would we be more concerned with the identity of the
l______ in Liam's stomach than with the fact that a major Hollywood actor is
apparently a cannibal.
30.0 ASG scratching Posts!
>>These posts have become so motherfucking predictable, I've
>>actually begun to set my schedule by them. "Oh, the 'Get Real,
>>Gays' post went up today! It's time to get that pedicure!" How
>>much you wanna bet it's the same person?
>...BUT without these predictable posts, how would ASGers be able
>to keep their claws so nice and sharp! ;-)
Leslie Ayers said:
Cats having scratching posts, ASGers have trolls. I like that.
31.0 Flames we laugh at on ASG!
>>>It is true....everyone in ASG needs to get laid....especially after
>>>reading all this dipping this eating that......
>>
>>For the next round of anti-faq amendments, I propose adding a
>>list of flames/insults that have no impact on ASG, to wit:
>>
>> - you need to get laid
>> - what are you, gay or something?
>> - how could you say something so impolite about Revered Celeb?
>> - wow, are you ever bitchy (catty, sarcastic, etc.)
>> - it's pathetic that [sordid detail of Revered Celeb's life]
>> matters to you
>also,
>-why do you stick up for ? Very pathetic the way you
>worship them!
>~~~~~~~~~~
Not to mention "What are you--some kind of NAZI??"
32.0 More Words of Wisdom about ASG.
> I cannot for a minute think that anyone would seriously think he
>was trying to moderate the discussion and/or group - Jesus himself
>would climb back up the cross to avoid such an impossible task.
>Chaotic we are, and chaotic we shall remain.
33.0 What do those ASGTPR#00 in people's sigs stand for?
I think we should be like the Denizens of Doom, and all have ASG
Trailer Park Resident numbers. It would be so obnoxious! we could
put them in our sig.bars, and choreograph some hideous greeting
to use when we meet each other, something that involves shrieking
and butt-wiggling. C'mon , everybody -pick a number.
Barb: ASGTPR#69
34.0 What is the Wacky Lambalzer Law?
>CiCi aka dailytel@aol.com wrote:
>**********************
>Do you think can we make a provision in the Anti-FAQ for people
>who insist they know for an absolute fact the hetro orientation of
>their fave celeb?.
> Something witty and completely illogical. We can call it the Law of
>Lambalzer. I'm sure ya'll could think up something....
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
The law of "Believe Me, I *just* *know*:
If s/he has been ~seen~ with a member of the Opposite Sex
If s/he has *looked* (with amazement!) at boobs/basket
If s/he ~can't be~ otherwise
If the poster has met her/him once and *just* *knows*
If the poster has *seen* her/him once and *just* *knows*
If the poster has *read about* her/him and *just* *knows*
If the poster has stalked her/him
If the poster has ever bagged his/her groceries
If the poster has stolen flowers from her/his front lawn
If the poster accuses us of being . . . *g* *o* *s* *s* *i* *p* *s*
Then - of course - the person is het and we should *know* *better*!!!!
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
-=JR=-
I think the "Wacky Lambalzer Law" somehow fits here.......oh but of
course the Wacky refers to a recent visitor who just knew Kevin
Costner was a great human being and not a womanizing detestable
jerk....and all based on just one meeting!
35.0 Telethon for the Irony-Impaired
> Perhaps the ASGers could have a
> telethon for the irony-impaired.
>
> Legs Akimbo
PLease, people of the trailer park,
let us consider those less fortunate than ourselves.
Those to who all words are meant as they are written and no subtleties
such as Irony or sarcasm can be admitted.
These poor individuals float about on the edges of the trailer park
looking with longing glances on the beauteous sophisticated company of
the residents.
They wonder at the absence of that Irony deprived crutch the smiley
face. They ask how we know what is Irony and what is not.
For us to explain Irony to them is to describe my purple and green
plaid trousers with the pasely motif to a blind man. It takes hours
of training, hours of dedicated work by our volunteers.
Such work does not come cheaply. We ask you to dig deep in your
pockets, and give until it hurts for the Irony Deprived Improvement
Orchestrators and Trainees (I.D.I.O.T)
The L_____ bar of lust and leachery will be hosting this event, and
men wielding cigars will be allowed entrance (as will anything in a
frock).
AS hosts on this telethon (Broadcast on the local channel-ASGTP TV) we
have found the obligatory mix. (And excuse the lack of names by US
culture is still a shaky subject)
One washed up TV News reader
One star form a 70's TV show who will humorously mispronounce names
(Erick Estrada)
Far too many local TV stars hoping to revive their sagging careers
Community groups preforming tedious skits of dubious taste and lesser
quality
And as the special ASG additions
The dancing L_______s (And its not line dancing!)
1001 drag queens (still under negotiations, 1001 great entrances!)
Julian Cleary and Fanny the Wonder dog (a Brit act belonging in the
centre of the ASGTP) The Ungaro Spink Frock Theatre Company will be
preforming "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" and "Midlred Peirce"
Showers and Growers-pay to view this amazing collection of plaster
casts, line drawings, photographs, and eye witness accounts, A truly
unique multimedia experience.
Thanks for your support
JAne
36.0 Animosity toward AOL
In article <4f97uo$cco@news1.panix.com> smoot@panix.com (Emma) writes:
> No, no, no, no. It's AOLosers, not AOL we slam (although we
>aren't all that fond of AOL either.) AOLosers are not all AOL users.
>Some very good folks come from that address. It's just that so
>many bad ones do too that's the problem.
> By bad, I mean people who come on to a newsgroup and
>ignore all netiquette. They don't bother to read the FAQ
>(or anti-FAQ in our case.) They don't lurk long enough to get an
>understanding of the dynamics of the newsgroup. They plunge on in
>trying to impress everyone by insulting long time favorites on the
>group (Michael and Judith for example) and generally just make
>asses of themselves. Then they try to fool everyone into thinking
>they have support on the group by using the other four aliases that
>AOL allows each account so that all of a sudden several people,
>who never have posted anything before (all with AOL addresses)
>suddenly appear to "defend" the fool.
Lee Weiser:
I'd like to nominate Emma's description of the why's, who's, etc of
asg AOL hatred to the Anti-Faq for further reference. I think it sums
it up quite well and to the point.
Example:
>ASG?????????
>Please give definition. I have been picking up on the abbreviations
>used
>elsewhere in the newsgroups but I have yet to figure this one out?!
>Thanks in advance for the info.
>Karen (klcnys@aol.com)
Karen, please excuse the following flame as I'm sure you think it's a
reasonable request, but: Nancy, I nominate this post as the
*stupidest* question from an AOLer to grace ASG...
Kisses,
Alexandra
ÑØ^Q…ñ
( )*( )
Yes folks....the name of the group Alt.showbiz.gossip or ASG!
37.0 Confusion Over All those Baldwin Brothers
Bev wrote:
>Barb Olson wrote:
>>
>> Can someone or anyone tell me how many Baldwin Brothers are
>>there?
>>Alec,
>> Stephen, William.....who else?
>> Thanks........
>
>The other is Daniel.
>
>You know, this gets asked so much, and it's still hard for me to
>keep them straight.
>
>Alec I can spot easy enough, Stephen and William I still get mixed
>up, and Daniel I don't think I'd recognize if he was standing in
>front of me!
My friend came up with these 'visualizing' methods of sorting out who
is who of the B boys.. (there are two ways)
ONE:
*Alec is the one with the blonde wife (Kim Basinger)
*Stephen is the moody one who have weird looking lips
*William is the bragger who is married to Chynna (He once said that he
would like to be a woman - so he would know what is it like to be
fucked by a stud like himself) and also, the prettiest/boyish looking
of all *Daniel is the chubby one
TWO:
*Alec is the Blockbuster film actor (Hunt For Red October)
*Stephen is the Indie film actor (The Usual Suspects)
*William is the Unproven actor (No title worthy to recall)
*Daniel is the TV actor (Homicide)
Catty
gilliard@interport.net wrote:
Guide to Baldwin spotting:
Alec: Tallish, hairy, most famous. Relatively smart, overtly
political. The almost movie star. Impossibly good looking.
Daniel: Tall, very beefy. Looks like a cop. Not as pretty. Very hairy.
William (Billy): the other almost a movie star. Not as pretty as Alec,
but some women go nuts over him. Not beefy, kinda thin. Looks drunk or
sleepy in photos. very political, does Dem party fundraisers when bro
Alec can't make it.
Stephen: Blond, thin. Pretty. Winds up in decent movies(usual
suspects) . Does a lot of charity work. Political.
38.0 Responses to question we been asked once too often
In article hamlet@lupo.com says...
>>Catsswing wrote:
>> What is a "Blind item?"
>
>It's a blurb written in braille.
In article Morgan Robertson writes:
>Alexandra wrote:
>>glenda06@aol.com wrote:
>>
>> >Anybody hear that Jamie Lee was born of undetermined sex and
>>her parents
>> >chose female?
>>
>> Gosh, no! I've never *ever* heard that, especially in ASG.
>>Anybody
>> ever hear about that? I didn't think so...
> Just how was *that* done -- Lee Press on Genitalia????
Wouldn't that be LeeCurtis Press-On Genitalia? More specifically,
a choice between the Press-On Pudenum or the Strap-On Schlong.
I wonder which one Jamie uses the most?
uchristi@mcl.ucsb.edu,Internet:
>I am new to this news group, but I heard some gossip, that some
>might think is interesting... I also would like to see if anyone else
>has heard it too.
>I heard that Tom Cruise is bisexual and so is his wife, Nicole
>Kidman.
>My source says that this is a well known fact around
>Hollywood.>>>>
Stephen Gilliard:
NO? Really? I mean, Tom Cruise is a bisexual man? Who would have
guessed? I mean, he looks so masculine on the cover of Vanity Fair,
dancing in front of flames.
39.0 Chrisopher Walken
In article <331FBEA0.3D91@iag.net> danak writes:
>Where is he from? I'm terrible at discerning accents but
>whenever he speaks, it drives me nuts because I can't figure out
>what region of the country he grew up in.
Christopher Walken wasn't born. His mother put (what appeared
to be!?!) an avocado pit in a bowl with a small lump of wet
cotton in the bottom. She left it on a sunny windowsill
in a little used room of the house. Several months later,
Christopher Walken emerged, and asked her to re-moisten the
cotton. She did, and he wasn't seen again until one day, years
later, when he passed silently through the living room on his
way to Hollywood.
Interestingly enough, Michael J. Fox has a similar "birth story",
but his involves a chia pet.
-Barb, always glad to help.
40.0 The Origin of ASG
Subject: cmsg newgroup alt.showbiz.gossip
Organization: Master Time Killers INc
Originator: namur@uci.edu
Summary: Gossip gossip stars starlets hollywood supermodels
Message-ID: <1992Oct11.203419.21498@sol.ctr.columbia.edu>
Sender: nobody@ctr.columbia.edu
Keywords: Gossip gossip stars starlets hollywood supermodels
Approved: namur@meroot
Date: Sun, 11 Oct 1992 20:34:19 GMT
X-Posted-From: kepler.oac.uci.edu
NNTP-Posting-Host: sol.ctr.columbia.edu
A great need is seen for this newsgroup. Showbiz gossip presently
is spread out over various groups like rec.music.video
rec.arts.movies alt.supermodels, reac.arts.soaps and even
talk.bizarre and it is generally frowned on as well as criticized
in most of these newsgroups by the veterans/oldbies/CharterFollowers.
Hence this newsgroup. To consolidate all the showbiz gossip into
one newsgroup. Gossipers/Gossip readers of the world unite! You
have nothing to loose but all the rumors and falsehoods! (??)
namur
40.5 More on the founding of the group
the immediate provocation for the
creation of asg was a huge flamewar in alt.supermodels, the
issue being whether discussion of erica elniak, the silicone content
of her breasts, whether she was bisexual etc could be permitted in
alt.supermodels... mucho arguments about whether the babe was a
supermodel etc by uptight "connossieurs" of supermodels.
41.0 ...but ccording ASG Legend, it was Goddess Barb McCrae who
created ASG!
According the originator of ASG, Barb and Karl McCrae kept the NG
alive
after others lost interest.....which is why they are both ASG
goddesses!
42.0 - "the dreaded Costner Effect."
i have a better warning for newbies: beware of the dreaded Costner
Effect. there's nothing worse than having a rabid fan go Costner on
you. it results in prolonged, agonizing threads fraught with whining,
complaining, fawning, prosletyzing, and drooling.
dez
43.0 "walking yeast infection"
Can be described as Courtney Love in that infamous photo of her where
she was in that nasty-ass white slip with a rhinestone tiera tipped
sideways off of her lice-bait greasy-looking stringy blonde hair.
michelle
44.0 Clueless Newbie Statements or as Leslie said, "Somewhere out
there, a village is missing its idiot."
Alexandra wrote:
1) Where did my posts go? Haven't you ever heard of "censorship"?
2) Why can't you just write lesbian? Are you people homophobic or
something?
3) Even tho you flamed me, I got lots of supportive email on this
subject. I just can't show it to you because I promised I
wouldn't.
4) I'm leaving, don't worry.
5) I'm staying.
6) So and so ~isn't~ gay. My best friend told me and I trust him/her.
7) What does "Twans" mean?
8) Do you have to say "fuck" so much?
9) Who ~cares~ if they're gay??? People are people, it doesn't
make a difference!
Linda C. added -
10) You're all mean and jealous!
11) Tell me everything you know about (name celeb). He/she is so
awesome!
Lee opined:
12) DOn't you have anything better to do than to trash people? Get
a life!
13) Why do you think everyone is gay? Stop trying to hurt people's
reputations!
14) You can't *make* me leave! I don't care if you all hate me! I'm
staying!
15) The more you trash me, the more I'll be back!
Then *NaNcY*:
16) Hey guys, I've got some great gossip. Have you heard that Tom
Cruise is gay? E-Mail me and I'll give the low down.
Then Melody:
17) We love you, Kathie Lee!
Then TupeloMiss
18) Only don't post it, e-mail it to me, because I don't frequent
usenet.
The sofaslug said:
19) And one that nobody has listed yet (at least not that I've seen)
"Test" or "Test Don't Read"
And Emma's gem:
20) I didn't mean that stupid/bigoted/whatever post that got my ass
flamed. I was just toying with all of you and you fell for it.
Then Karl:
21) 'You're in my killfile!'
Then Swooledge:
22) Get a life!
23) Grow up!
24) It's none of your business!
To which I add: (Alexandra)
25) I am incapable of writing a header with less than four
exclamation points in it. (Who believes this will be
ASG's longest running thread)
And then Diana added:
26) I heard he/she was gay. Is she?
26½) How do you KNOW he/she is gay?
And Linda added:
27) You're a bitch and nobody likes you!
28) All my friends have send me e-mail saying they hate you, too!
29) I'll bet you're fat and ugly and can't get laid!
Dez submitted:
30)Are you jealous, Laura? Just cos she can buy and sell you and
her ta-ta's are bigger than yers...
Linda added:
31)LESBIAN is not a dirty word, and L________ looks stupid..
Nuey2 added:
32) Listen, that Bob Taylor guy is dead so let him rest already.
There are plenty of live ones to gossip about.
45.0 Shrouding
Chris Pierson wrote:
This is the group that perfected the tactic of shrouding. Isn't it
time we stopped giving ******* the attention she/he plainly craves,
and do to her/his what's been done to so many trolls before her/him?
I hereby request: Shroud ********. Her/His 15 minutes have gone on far
too long. Let's get this group back on track.
46.0 Words of Wisdom about Drudge from Tim Gold:
The Drudge show was terrible. For some reason it is filmed in these
tight
close ups, which is unfortunate because both Goldberg and Drudge are
two of
the most awful looking people. He has this long face with huge ears
and a
receding hairline. Worst of all, his voice is grating and he wears
this
know-it-all smirk all the time. The guy has a face made for the
Internet.
47.0 Where to look for answers to WEHT
Desservo2 enlighted ASG with this comment:
another great place to answer all them "WHET" questions....look at
imdb.com, internet movie database, enter in the name of the actor
or actress, and there ya go......it won't say what they're DOING in
their lives at the moment, but it will list ALL the films and shows
they've been in......I'm probably going to get a big "duh" from this
as Im sure many people are familiar with IMDB
48.0 Craignog
CraigNog
Separate
1 dozen eggs
Beat yolks until lemon yellow
Add to yolks
1 cup confectioner's sugar
3/4 cup gold or dark rum
1/2 cup Kentucky bourbon (pref. Maker's Mark)
1/4 cup cognac or French brandy
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon rum extract
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon allspice or cinnamon
Refrigerate yolk mixture
In punch bowl, place
1/2 gallon vanilla ice cream
Muddle with 1/4 cup rum
Beat whites until soft peaks form
Add to whites
1/2 cup confectioner's sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cream of tartar
Beat until firm
Add to punch bowl:
yolk mixture
12 ounces whipped cream
beaten whites
Blend thoroughly, add extra liquor* to taste, and garnish with more
nutmeg
*Make up a small pitcher of liquor for folks to add more to suit
themselves, always in this ratio:
4 parts rum : 2 parts bourbon : 1 part brandy
--but you might want to leave the bottles out for folks to adjust to
taste
Enjoy!
Craig
the kitchen maven
49.0 The Four Stages of Outing Oneself
anon@nospam.com wrote in message wrote:
>Can someone finally clear up the confusion for me. Before Rupert
>Everett said he was gay around "My Best Friend's Wedding" time,
didn't
>he give interviews in which he said he was bisexual?
Yes, he did. It seems that there are four stages of outing yourself in
the media - "I'm sick of being a heart throb", "Well, I love women
and men. So I guess I'm bisexual", "It took me years of drugs, booze,
pain and confusion to realise that I'm *really* gay" - and "I'm gay.
Get over it."
Catty (a film bore)
50.0 Penis Size-Nancy is official keeper of the records pertaining
penis size. (*see below for list) But, she welcomes *all* new
entries, especially if they're personally verified. (See Appendage I)
51.0 The Flaccid verses Perky Debate
Gosh darn . . . I've heard that size while flaccid is irrelevant, but
up I don't believe it for a minute....some small dicked gentleman
came with this! :-).....honestly, I don't know. If there is any
medical penis experts (sic) out there please give us the answer
so I can add it to the Anti-FAQ.
Brunker@Delphi.com writes:
> For reasons too bizarre to relate, getting my MS in biology
>writing a couple of term papers on shlongs. Anyway, it turns out
>that the structures in penes that get hard (and take the rest of the
>cock with them) reside about half inside the guy and half outside
>in the limp state - but this varies a lot from man to man. So one
>that seems quite small at rest may enlarge stupendously under
>the appropriate circumstances (if a lot of the erectile tissue is
>inside) and an apparentl large one might not change much at all
> (if the tissue is ostly external).
Someone anonymously posted this valuable information:
I believe I may be of some assistance, penis size being my primary
field of expertise. I have been in penises for twelve wonderful
years, and two unremarkable ones. I hold many penis certificates and in
my spare time am an avid penis-watcher. I have penis-watched on
each of the seven continents and am privileged to have spotted some
of the world'srarest penises, including a bobbing purple dropsy, a
crested yellow softie, and a red-plumed eyepoker.
In short, Nancy, I am regarded as a standout in my field. I believe
I can put an end to your penis musings.
My fellow researchers here at the Walthrop Academy of Neuro-Kinetic
Erectile Response recently completed what is considered among penis
researchers *THE* definitive size study. In this study one
participant, whom we'll call Mr. W (or "Bruce"), had a flaccid penis
size of 5 1/2 inches, as well as a circumference of 6 inches. The
second participant, whom we'll call Mr. P (or "Brad" for short), had
a flaccid penis size of 1 3/4 inches, as well as the sympathy of
everyone I've spoken to recently.
After exciting both participants using archival pornographic films,
our researchers again measured the two men's penises. A graph
charting film footage vs. penis growth is given below. The straight
line represents Bruce, the asterisked line Brad.
Penis Growth
------
6" *
* *
5" * *
* *
4" * *
* *
3" * *
______________ * ****
2" / \ * *
/ **\****************** ____________ ****
1" / ************** \_________________/ \__________
subjects shown footage Control subjects shown footage
of Chesty Morgan in Period of "Big Randy" Calhoun
"Poke Her Haunches" (no stimuli) in "Florist Hump"
The experiment was brought to a close by showing both
participants shirtless photos of "Billy" from Melrose Place.
As you can see, the study's results are quite interesting.
At full mast Bruce's penis has increased a scant 2 1/2 inches,
for a total of thirty percent. While this increase might be
impressive for a mutual fund, it's no big thrill penis-wise. Brad,
on the other hand, has swollen nearly three hundred percent.
To put this in perspective, Nancy, if your net worth increased in
size like Bruce's penis, you'd be spending most of your days in
a little trailer on the Gulf of Mexico. But if your net worth
increased like Brad's penis, well . . . welcome to NANCY-FORNIA!
so Nancy, and other interested peniphiles, the lesson here is
that the cautious man or woman should excite the potential
penised-partner to determine erectile size before committing
to coitus.
In other words, it's a crapshoot.
Happily at your cer . . . service,
Dr. Waylon Dowd
>I have some questions though.....just where did they begin
>measuring......we did have a discussion here earlier about the
>proper place to begin measuring....and that not being one's
>asshole! ;-) Also what does this say about the general celeb penial
>population....or is there no possible way to make a general
>comparison with non-graphed peni?
steve_hoffmann@qmail4.trw.sp.com (Yet Another Steve) replies:
Tsk. The International Standard for measuring these is: how many
quarters can you lay flat along the top of 'em when they're, uh, fully
extended.(*)
The Official Quarter, a 1931 S-mint, is stored in the same nitrogen-
flushed vault in Paris where they keep that iridium bar that defines
the angstrom, or kilogram, or whatever the hell it is.
Steve, Mr. Science
(*) of course, the only time a normal person has that many quarters
on hand is at the laundromat, which is not a good place to try
this experiment, no matter how bored you may get waiting for the wash
cycle to end.
51.1 More discussion on "hung like a horse"
(Robert Matthews) wrote:
> The consensus (well, two posts so far) seem to be that it's
>> Patrick Stewart. Does Nancy know about this? Has she added it
>> to the anti-FAQ? Was it there all along and I just didn't happen
>>to notice? (It's not one of the big obsessions of my life; I was
>>just idly curious. When there's something that someone else
>>knows, I have to know it too; I'm like a three-year old and it's
>>kind of pathetic,
>> but what can I do?)
>I recall seeing him tromping around the decks in his "P.J.'s" and
also
>being stunned at the basket he shows. Usually, be uniform
>hides any clues, but it is also rare that Jean-Luc was ever in
>"casual" clothing.
*NaNcY* replied:
This is a subject that often arises on rec.arts.startrek.current.
Someone once mentioned that they knew a costumer who had seen
and said it was TRUE! I asked a friend who worked as a grip on TNG
if this was true. He said he had no idea since all the mean wore
girdles to hold in their "manliness". Anyone who has seen the
opening scene of ST:Generations when all the cast was wearing
pirate costumes that he showed enough for us all to agree that it is
"trew, it is trew"!
51.2 ...and even more discussion...
>Dahlings, stop me if you've heard this. James Woods was on Tom Snyder,
>recently and told the story of Forrest Tucker, on the first day of rehearsal,
>for a play, trying to put the rest of the cast at their ease, brought up the
>subject of his well know "wonder-weiner". At one point, he unzipped, popped
>said sausage out, knelt down, put a golf ball on the stage and "putted" it into
>the orchestra pit. Zowie!
>
>Reigning and Deigning
>
>Pink Wishes
>The Princess \^*^*^/
51.25 ....and even more discussion, this time on Tom
Selleck's package size
somebody wrote:
> speaking of packages---my paramedic* chum once worked a movie
>with mr. tom selleck and said his package was extremely "light,"
>if you get my drift and he had pimples on his ass. . . ..
to which somebody else responded:
>> . . . *how* did your paramedic chum find this out? Did he/she
>>have
>> to administer a life-saving technique to Selleck's "package"?
From another anon source:
I'm the paramedic who was in charge of this whole operation, so I
might as well clear up all the confusion. Here's what happened:
Tom Selleck was eating lunch with a young Keanu Reeves when he
suddenly gasped and turned blue. "Ohmigod!" Tom croaked.
"I've got a large hunk of rumaki stuck in my throat
A horrified Keanu, wearing Commes des Garcons, pulled out his
cellphone and dialed for help.
"DAVID? Hi. I'm lunching with Tom Selleck, and . . . what? Commes
des Garcons. And he's choking, and . . . what? David, I am
HORRIFIED you'd think we'd be doing that HERE. The Bistro
Garden. David, you're not being much help. What? Let me write
that down. 9-1-1. What's their number?"
By the time we pulled up to the restaurant, Tom was blue and his
head and swollen even larger than usual. We hadn't a second to
lose or there would only be TWO has-beens in the "Magnum, P. I."
reunion movie. I loosened his tie and started to apply CPR but he
didn't respond.
"TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF!" I barked, and instantly Clarice, my able
assistant, tore the Romeo Gigli from his body. I swooned at the
swirls of chest hair that looked like the state of Washington from
the air before we sold off all the old-grove forests.
"Now take off his shoes!" Clarice leapt to my aid. "And drop
those pants!" Here my young ward Rickie brutally pushed Clarice
aside and dove for Tom's Gucci belt. Seconds later Tom was
bright blue and clad only in boxer shorts.
"I'm going in, men!" Using all my acumen and oyster tongs that
were laying nearby I gently prodded and poked until Tom's
manliness protruded from his boxer shorts.
You know how eggs are rated "large," "extra-large," "jumbo" and
"mammoth"? If Tom's penis were an egg, it would be a "medium."
Rickie piped in. "Maybe if we all squeeze his buttcheeks together
the rumaki will come flying out."
Clarice and I looked at Rickie, horrified. Rickie looked at us
blankly.
Then he looked shocked. "HIS MOUTH!"
Relieved, we decided to try. We rolled Tom over and pulled down
his Brooks Brothers boxers.
"Ewww!" Clarice cringed. "There's a zit! I'm not touching him!"
With Clarice out, Rickie and I, and some volunteers from tables
nearby, positioned our hands on his large, round butt, and let me tell
you there was room for six more volunteers.
"OK! On the count of three! ONE . . . TWO . . . THREE!"
Everyone in the restaurant held their breath as we all pressed as
hard as we could on Tom's posterior. Instantaneously the wad of
half-chewed rumaki flew out of his mouth and onto the front window of the
restaurant, where it stuck to the glass and sparkled in the midday sun.
Tom regained consciousness a minute later. I was afraid there
might have been brain damage, because he started mumbling about
being late for a Pat Buchanan rally. Our job done, my young
assistants and I packed up our gear and hit the road, with nothing but
a good feeling for having helped our fellow man and a wistful memory of
Tom Selleck's naughty bits.
51.245 More Discussion on Tom's Package
>From pdelgrosso@pbs.org
I was talking with friend yesterday and somehow Tom Selleck came up.
This friend met Selleck in the men's room at last year's White House
Correspondents Dinner. They were standing side by side at the
urinals and my rather bold friend started chatting Tom up and took
the opportunity to glance down at Tom's wing ding. According to
my friend, Tom is very large while flaccid.
They discussed the episode of "Magnum, PI" in which Tom was
nominated for an Emmy (I think it was the one in which Magnum was
stranded in the Pacific and had to tread water for hours). My friend
said Tom seemed like a nice guy.
Oh well, most of us in ASG think Tom is a big prick. Now, we can
ponder the literal as well as figurative ramifications of this label.
51.3 On Stallone, Penile implant & Craddle de Balls
A while back there were rumors circulating (on talk shows and
columns) that Sly Stallone had some sort penile implant device in
him to allow himself to maintain an erection (i think it's a balloon
type device originally made for those suffering from chronic
impotence.) after they divorced, brigitte nielson supposedly
spread word of this to the press.....
Any word on why he had this done? He's only in his 40s. Isn't this
usually done when a guy's older and has his prostate removed. It's
the reason he supposedly had to scream `cradle the balls'* to keep
Mr. Woody pumped up.
It's a known fact that Stallone has a hard time maintaining an
erection due to years of steroid abuse. I've only heard that he is "pump
dependent."
*Rumor has it that while an extra was giving Stallone a bj, Stallone
was wearing a microphone. Caught on tape was Stallone asking
the lady in question to "craddle de balls, craddle de balls."
To this Fiona added:
I thought the original story was that he was wearing a body mike to capture
his dialogue during filming, and he (or someone) had forgotten to turn it
off, so that "cradle da balls" was broadcast over whatever sound system
was on the set, so that everyone present heard it.
Appendage I *<1.2> "Hung Like A Horse List"
From a book about "horse-hung celebrities".........
Forrest Tucker = 10"
Gary Cooper
Milton Berle = 10"
Cary Grant
Michael Landon = 8" soft
Eddie Fisher
Humphrey Bogart
Ron Ely = 9"
Jim Nabors = 10"
Aldo Ray = 8" soft
Groucho Marx = 12.5"
Billy Rose
John Loder
Walter Pidgeon
Robbie Benson =9"
David Letterman =9"
Clint Walker
John Ireland
Charlie Chaplin = 12"
Anthony Quinn
Porfirio Rubirosa = 16"
Durwood Kirby
Freddy Frank = 13" soft
Errol Flynn = 11"
Donald Sutherland = 10.5"
John Schneider = 8"+
Dennis O'Keefe= 9"
Willem Dafoe = 9"
Rock Hudson = 9"
Michael Caine = 8" +
Steve Martin = 8.5"
Eddie Murphy = 9"
Arsenio Hall
Christopher Reeves
Sean Connery
Phil Carney = 8"+ soft
Warren Beatty
Arnold Schwarzeneggar = 9"
>I saw a picture of a flaccid Arnold in SPY. If that dinky
>thing grows into nine inches, then the Amazing Kreskin must
>be involved!!!!!!
Dean Martin
Shadoe Stevens = 8" soft
Jimi Hendrix
Frank Sinatra
Shawn Cassidy = 9.5"
Vanilla Ice = 12" soft
Brett Michaels = 10"
Dolph Lungren = 12"
Billy Idol = 9"
Marky Mark = 8-9"
>There's a (legitimate) nude gif of him that's been circulated
>on the Net for quite some time - and yes, he has a boner in it.
>I've been told that it's six inches tops.
Brian from East 17 = 13.5" soft
David Hasselholf = 9"
>If memory serves me, Truman Capote described Porfirio
>Rubirosa's endowment as "an eleven-inch cafe-au-lait sinker as
>thick as your wrist." Hope that helps. Why I should remember
>such a phrase is beyond me.
>>10. tie: David Cassidy and Shaun Cassidy
>>9. Parker Stevenson (8")
>>8. James Wood
>>7. Willem Dafoe
>>6. Don Johnson ("as big around as a beer can")
>>5. Liam Neeson
>>4. Wilt Chamberlain
>>3. Ed Begley, Jr.
>>2. Milton Berle
>>1. Dolph Lundgren
... of horse-hung celebrities:
Peter Lawford
Charles Bronson
Non-hollywood (historical) people:
Rasputin and his 13 inches
John Dillinger (the gangster)
Winston Churchill, supposedly
>>>The phone number to order the book is 1-800-842-8338; it's
>>>14.95 plus $2 S&H. Maybe you could organize an a.s.g.
>>>fundraiser! ;-)
>The newer book (the one with the 800-number) is called Penis
>Sizea nd Enlargement. Ingram, the country's biggest book
>whole saler,carries it, so you ought to be able to order it
>at any bookstore where you dare ask for it!
Alec Baldwin definitely deserves to be in the pantheon of the
well-hung. A picture in *People* a couple of months ago showing his
intriguing contours is what Marcia Clark might call "a mountain of
evidence."
Also, if there's room, Ava Gardner's testimonial to Frank Sinatra is a
classic. When asked why she was dating the (then) skinny runt, she
replied (paraphrasing) "He only weighs one-twenty but a hundred pounds
is cock."
When Mr. Priestly made the movie Calendar Girl, the director had the
problem of Mr. Priestly's member. No matter how they filmed it, it
kept showing up so the editors had to use some computer alterations to
tone it down.
The Nose, a defunct mag out of S.F. claimed that some of the biggest
celebrity male's include David Letteman, Liam, Al, Don Johnson
(really), Jason Priestley. Patrick Stewart was considered to have the
#1 member in movies today. Liam's can be seen flopping about in the
first few minutes of the film "Under Suspicion" as he runs maked from
a house. T.S.
On Chris Isaak:
>"Jeffrey D. Paul":
>He used to date Margaret Cho, who told my friend that Chris
>is well-endowed.
I know 3 women who slept with him (one of which he was engaged to).
One of the women described him as "so big he couldn't fit a condom on
it".
------------
Miss Lo
Kimball Kinnison wrote:
Errol Flynn used to entertain partygoers in H'wood by
> playing 'You Are My Sunshine' on the piano using only
> his penis...
rfscruggs@aol.com (RFScruggs) wrote:
> According to STAR (4/22/97):
> "National Endowment of the Arts - or some of Hollywood's 'biggest'
>stars:
> Scott Bakula, James Caan, Jim Carrey, Dick Cavett, Matt Dillon,
> Woody Harrelson, Don Johnson, Tommy Lee Jones, David >Letterman,
> Huey Lewis, Lyle Lovett, Roddy McDowell, Jason Patric, Jason
>Priestley,
> Robert Redford, Christopher Reeve, Arnold Schwarzenegger, >Frank
> Sinatra, Jimmy Smits, Patrick Stewart, Kiefer Sutherland, Bruce
>Willis."
Appendage II <*3.0> Wild & OUTRAGEOUS rumors!
kirker@io.com (Jeff Kirk) wrote:
Okay, since people seem to really be getting into the anti-FAQ
you've heard? I'm thinking, how this for a category? What's the
weirdest celeb rumor sure we can include the Richard Gere gerbil
thing here, but here's my pick..
>That David Soul (Starsky, if you'll recall) frequently gains
>access to theL.A. County Morgue and fucks the corpses.
ferrier@teleport.com later added:
As I was reading the amti-FAQ (quite entertaining and educational),
I came across an error that I couldn't let go by. A nasty rumor about
David Soul's predilection for bodies at the morgue included the
reference that he played Starsky. NO! He was Hutch. Paul Michael
Glaser (who also had a tiny role in *Fiddler on the Roof*) was the
dark haired Starsky. Now about the rumor...I don't know if it's true
or not! :)
:No, I don't know if this is true or not, but that isn't the
:point with thisparticular area! In fact, the more ridiculous,
:the better! :
:Here are some old chestnuts:
* Bowhunter Ted Nugent's father is TV's Mr. Green Jeans
(Captain Kangaroo).
>I also heard this about Frank Zappa being the son of
Mr. Green Jeans.
* The Rod Stewart stomach pump thing!
* When Donna Summer recorded "Love to Love You Baby,"
they put her in a studio and turned the lights out
(and you know what happened next,suggestive wink).
* The screams on "Love Rollercoaster" by the Ohio Players
were actually caused by a woman being killed in the
studio.
>The female singer on the Rolling Stones's "Gimme Shelter"
> had a epileptic seizure and died right after they taped
> the session.
* Jamie Lee Curtis is a hermaphrodite.
* The whole James Wood/Sean Young thing (including the
story that Sean super glued James' Willy to his leg.
* Mikey from Life Cereal commercials died a) in Vietnam,
b) by eating Pop Rocks and drinking Coke, there
by exploding his stomach.
That Joey Lawrence makes girls lactate.;)
I think my favorite bizarre celeb rumor would be the
ones about Brigitte Nielson and Mark Gastineau, that
they were into all sorts of weird enemas - that she
liked to have chocolate squeezed up her butt and sucked
out, and he was really into drinking wine out her butt.
Supposedly they videotaped a lot of their escapades, but
no one I know has actually seen the proof, just heard of
it from a friend of a friend, you know? But hey - just
look at 'em - could be true. ;
How about this classic, about to begin its third decade of
mythdom: Rod Stewart had one (alternatively two, three. . .
up to seven) quart(s) of semen pumped from his stomach in a
(Los Angeles/New York/London/Glasgow/etc.) emergency room
(in 1975/in 1982/in 1990/last week An oldie but goodie.
>>don't forget the rumor that susan olsen (cindy from the
>>brady bunch) became a porno actress
I love that Jamie Lee Curis/Hermaphrodite rumor! But the
two best ones most recently that really made me laugh was
1) Keanu marrying Dave Geffen and 2) Brad Pitt donating
his sperm to Melissa Etheridge!!
Okay, I posted this one a while ago... but the weirdest one
I've heard is that Danny Thomas was a corporophage
(feces fancier). Like anyone would know.
According to SPY Chuck Berry has the same fetish. Used to
put cameras his toilet bowl. What I heard about Danny
Thomas is that authorities found him tied to a bed with
an object up his you-know-what after encounter with a
male prosty gone awry.
>but hey, at least he's in the company of greatness!
>after all, James Joyce had the same fetish (I had an
>English professor who said Joyce relationship with
>Nora Barnacle is often called the "shit-fuck"
>relationship, as Joyce's fetish was to fuck her while
>she shat.
> Well, the best rumour I've ever heard was about Chuck
> Berry, and his, um, sexual preferences. But I don't
> think it's a rumour.
It's absolutely, unfortunately, disgustingly true.
Spy Magazine had a long, perhaps unnecessarily detailed
piece about Berry's legal troubles concerning the installation
of videos cameras in a women's restroom at a restaurant he
owned. Evidently there were two; one at, shall we say, seat
level, so the camera could record bowel movements falling into
the toilet, and another in the ceiling, to record the waste
swirling around in the bowl as it exited for the sewer system.
There are also tapes of him rendez-vousing with young women.
In one tape that's described, he urinates voluminously on a
woman's face, and then has her squat over his mouth and empty
her bowels.
A truly local rumour that I've heard from two Brooklyn cop
friends is that Johnny Carson was discovered in a local
make-out spot with a young Spanish boy doin' a Divine on him.
He was warned and let go. Both swear it's true.
(1) Tyrone Power--in one of his het periods--was having an
affair with Betty Grable, but broke up with her due to a strong
and unpleasant vagin odor. The source of the odor? A
gynecologist investigated and pulled out used condom.
(2) Steve McQueen, hemorrhoid sufferer, used to insert a
tampon in his rectum so that he could bear to ride his
beloved motorcycle.
There's a rumour that DOnna Summer was born Don Summer,
and another .rumour that Michael Jackson provided the voice
for her records, and _another_ one that Diana Ross provided
the voice for Michael Jackson'records.
Another fun one was that Alice Cooper and Liza Minelli
are the same person.
My favorite one is the rumor that Geraldo's real name
is Jerry River.
: There was a rumor about Willard Scott how he would walk
: around naked except with his Ronald McDonald face.
: The same was said of Capt. Kangaroo, when he was
: Clarabell the Clown.
I remember hearing about 20 years ago that in 1933 or
thereabouts (just before or just after making Flying
Down to Rio), Ginger Rogers died in an automobile accident.
To protect their very valuable investment, the story
went, RKO and her mother Lela found a showgirl who resembled
Ginger and did a Liza Doolittle number on her, with training
and plastic surgery designed to keep "Ginger Rogers" on the
screen. I can still remember the glee with which my friend
said, "And that's why she looks and sounds so different in the
later films than in the early talkies!!" Thanks to the
miracle of video I've since checked this, and you know what?
He was right. (About the difference, I mean; it's just as
hard to believe the story now as it was then.)
Another good one comes from Kenneth Anger's Hollywood Babylon
-- about how director F.W. Murnau died in HIS car crash because
he was being fellated by his chauffeur. Why the chauffeur
wasn't driving is another mystery.
I also heard that Mae West told friends that once she died,
she'd have a big surprise in store for the world. . . which
I took to mean, she'd be revealed as a man. Can't imagine how
the media failed to pick up on that one when Mae passed on. . .
What about Jacqueline Kennedy marrying Onasis because he
owned the island where the (alive) JFK was living.
Walt Disney is in cryogenic stasis.
Miss Peggy Lee is a man. (I can't say the name without adding
"Miss" for some reason.)
>This is not about a Hollywood star but it's tangentally
>related since Madonna is doing the movie. After Evita died and
>was taken to the morgue it is said that her body was desecrated
>by a bunch of army officers. They wanted to fuck the "whore
>that owned Argentina." Some people go as far to say that Peron
>was the one who did it (I guess the fachas the army faction
> would say that).
Well, I believe her body was dug up and "kidnapped" for years
and years. Did they find it in Italy, years later, then return
it? I don'tknow if that'll be in the movie, although Madonna
will probably lobby for the army officers digging her up and
fucking her.
:But I also remember hearing that Juan P. had Eva embalmed and
:put into a glass coffin.
Oh goodie, this thread has veered off to ER follies, so here's my ER
story, told to me by a FOAF: this guy was admitted to SF General last
year with severe abdominal cramps. Turns out he had 3 Barbie doll heads
in his stomach. Apparently he gets off on swallowing them, but I guess
he got greedy and swallowed more than his stomach could handle. This
story raises several intriguing questions, such as what happens to the
headless Barbies? Does he have a friend who gets off on doing
something (I shudderto think what) to the bodies? And just how do you
get the head off a Barbie doll anyway? Aren't they attached firmly to
the body?
Evelyn
: Did you people know that the actor who played Chaka, on
: 'Land of the Lost', is gay and dying of AIDS. This was the
: result of a big cocaine binge and an orgy with IV drug users.
: His massive cocaine use over the years made his veins collapse,
: so the only ones he could inject into were in his penis.
: Due to an acute case of gangrene, his penis had to be amputated :
some
: years earlier. In light of this, he had to resort to anal sex with
: gay men to receive any pleasure. When I see old episodes, I
: wonder if Marshall, Will, and Holly are by his side, helping him
: through what must be his most difficult time.}}
: This has got to be the worst gossip post I've seen ever. Could you
: have made
: up anything more outrageous? Nope. I think you hit on everything.
---->----->
In article <4m5h73$7ev@nadine.teleport.com>,
Steve wrote:
>That post is so stupid! I am NOT dying of AIDS, and my "Thingie" is
>right where it's supposed to be. I am NOT gay, I am married with
>three kids and Do mostly do voice over work in L.A.
>-Steve
> ( The guy who played "Chaka" On Sid and Marty Krofts
> "Land of the Lost".....)
>
> "Give me "OSO"...or give me death...
>
Ladies and gentlemen, 'hos and goddesses, do we have our
first celebrity de-lurking here and now??
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