+ fixate/asphyxiate

[I]

i’m drowning in pools of you ----

teardrops rain down sucked up by my frail bosom

barely cradling the grey mass of heart but satiated with you.

it’s lonely here, despite many thoughts of you ----

my arms are empty so i embrace my demise instead

i’m held only by empty collections of lost hopes for us.

such a twinkle shone in my eye when you came into sight

and yet it remains, but tonight it lies;

rather than be seen by you, i’ve chosen an altered view:

you’ll not see me purely, deceived by my smiles,

i fixate on you nonetheless.

[II]

the moon --- you say she’s beautiful ---

she shines for you --- perhaps ---

--- she shines her sorrow for me

pale sad moonlight conceals me though ---

--- the weak smiles hidden until dawn

they’ll fade quicker you’ll see past i fear ---

[III]

lips graced with poison press to kiss

to ease the pain / to numb the heart

my body squandered to armies of imposters

forever pining for your sweet embrace;

lips taste of the sweetest nectar elsewhere

sealed and foreign to this agonized heart

imagined yet unfelt, silence and weak hopes

stifling sweetness. stifling sorrow.

[IV]

eventually everything falls apart:

dust to dust and ash to ash.

even regret crumbles into grains of sandy nothings

now only the edifice of cowardice stands strong

if only i’d been myself

someone strong or even real

i’d have cradled truth and you

yet i tried to to feel

so hard so long so what

now all i do is feel.

[V]

quiet, withdrawn -------- except:

brief whispers blown away by winds of circumstance

circling into the realms of never

gust and isolate further until consuming,

aloneness, consumed.

[VI]

so fragile

so undeserving

so lost

so just

amid shadows she hides

seen only by those who cannot redeem her

disgraced, mutilated once more.

[VII]

pools of you filter through my lungs

i breathe you in so heavily

slowly, tragic beauty:

asphyxiate.

+ c. davis

+ september 1999