Have you ever heard the story of the 12 Dancing Princesses? Twelve princesses - each "more beautiful then the last" who dance their shoes thru every night - even though their father locks them in their room. Finally an old solider finds the secret and marries the oldest and stupidest of the girls.
Well, this here is the real story of those princesses.
Now the first eleven were beautiful by today's standards of beauty. By the standards of their time though they were ugly. Jennifer Anniston's body with Dolly Parton's boobs. Back then for a woman to be beautiful she had to be fat. Wide hips, big butt, and large breasts. If a woman was skinny then she was saw as sickly, unable to give birth to healthy children, and a bad cook. The only future for them even as princesses, unless they found a really desperate prince, was the convent. Yep, those girls were destined to become nuns. Unlike today where they'd be destined to become tone deaf pop "singers" - only unlike Britney's these girls' breasts were real.
Now these eleven girls were naturally frumpy, boring brunettes, but they had hair colors back then too so these girls were the original bottle blonds. They couldn't do anything about their flat brown eyes though and no matter how much makeup they piled on they couldn't hide those acne scars.
It's was the youngest who was the pretty one. Oh sure, by today's standards she'd be ugly, but back then she was their equivalent of a super model. Her hips were good, wide "birthing" hips, her breasts large, she was short of course for our time - only 5 feet tall, but back then that was pretty tall as people just didn't have the nutrition we have now. She had a different mother so her eyes were a vibrant shade of green and her hair strawberry-blond. Her skin suffered a few blemishes as all do but not one left a scar - and she actually squeezed her's! Unlike her sisters she refused to stay out of the sun so freckles dotted her otherwise fair skin. She took care of herself, yes, but not to the extreme of her sisters where they actually bled themselves in order to look pale!
Now I'm sure you wish to know these girls' names. Well, back then it was tradition in Europe to name your child something from the Bible, even if you didn't believe in God yourself. So from oldest to youngest their names were Azubah, Bathsheba (They weren't really good at finding names, by the way), Covenant, Dabbasheth, Ester, Faith, Gera, Habazinaiah, Integrity, Joy, Keren-happuch, and the youngest and prettiest - Love.
Now the older sisters knew their littlest sister would marry sooner then them and they'd be confined to some convent where they would no longer enjoy dancing, fine food, and carefree days. Instead they'd actually have to - gasp - work! So as each reached the age where they could marry or be shipped off they managed to get their father to let them stay in hopes someone desperate would come along. Not one man came that was interested in any sister except Love, even when Love was just a little girl they preferred her company to any other princess.
Azubah dabbled in the Dark Arts - black magik. First she used it to make sure that every man who hung around Love was chased off. Then she discovered how to make an entirely new realm. She could people it with invisible servants. She also found a potion to make people into her slaves. She didn't go so far as to use it on her sisters, not even Love, for deep down she did care about them, but she began to use them on the princes that came to woo the youngest sister. As each sister got to marrying age she introduced them to this world. A world where princes of their choice wanted to be with them. To dance with them.
Now Azubah wouldn't have told Love about this world except she had no choice. Refusing to give Love a sleeping potion, since they now shared a room, Azubah shared with her the secret. Out of love for her sisters, Love joined in. She did love dancing, after all, and it was nice to not have ALL the guys drooling over her. Just one or two at a time instead of ten or fifteen.
So the piles of worn out shoes - and the shoe bill - kept getting bigger - and the father more frustrated. Now instead of 11 not so pretty daughters and one beauty who filled his castle with laughter, he had 12 women who spent all day in bed and all night somewhere dancing. His home was no longer the place he enjoyed so while young men tried their hands at solving the mystery of the dancing princesses and disappearing God knew where, the king spent most of his time hunting and wenching. Even when Love's mother died giving birth to the prince he wasn't around. Gera actually took care of the baptism and everything. Naming the little boy a shocking non-Bible name - Brent.
Now understand each child - except for Love and Brent - were a year apart. (Actually, the king was having an affair with Love's mother when his first wife was on her death bed, so she was actually only 5 months younger then Keren-happuch.) Love at this time was 18 - old maid status at that time as most girls were married as soon as they hit puberty which could be as young as 10 - Azubah was around 28 (she never admitted her true age and even her father couldn't remember).
The king was desperate, he couldn't get rid of his daughters if they weren't around during the day and doing possibly Satanic things at night. He needed to find out what was going on but he was scared if he tried that he would also vanish like the other men had.
One day as the king was out hunting a group of robbers stopped him. Just when he was about to lose hope and his purse (Yes, men carried purses back then, they were little bags of coins and gemstones) a strange man jumped from the trees and began to beat up the robbers. He was a little taller then Love with yellowish-tan skin, black hair, and almond shaped black eyes. A woman with bright red hair, blue eyes, and sun/wind burned skin joined the man. Using a quarterstaff and the same strange combinations of kicks, chops, and punches. Soon the robbers were running/limping away.
The man's name was Sun Ping and he came from a place the king had never heard of. The woman was Kate, a woman from Ireland. They had their own tale to tell. Kate had been kidnaped from Ireland when she was 16 and on her way to her wedding. She was sold as a slave to something the king found very appealing called a harem. Ping (for some reason in his country they introduced themselves last name first) had also been taken as a slave and was about to become a eunuch. Kate had broken free from the harem just before she was raped - they had kept her a virgin on the slave ship because virgins brought in a higher price. She ran into the room Ping was in just before he was violated. Seeing him a fellow prisoner she helped free him even as she was being beaten up. He got them both free. Although it was HIGHLY unorthodox, Ping took Kate as his student as he helped her get back to Ireland. She found only sadness though. Her fiance, convinced she was "ruined" wouldn't accept her - and Kate's father disowned her. That had been five years ago. So - she married Ping and they were little by little heading to his home. The problem was in all that time they hadn't been able to earn the money for the fare home.
So the king made them a deal - if they could solve the mystery of the dancing princesses he'd sail them home in his best ship. With more then enough gold and other things to keep them and their children in comfort for a long time.
It was agreed. Ping and Kate slept the rest of that day. That night they were put in a room next to the princesses'. Now Faith attempted to give them a sleeping draught in a cup of mulled wine, but Ping could smell the herbs and only pretended to drink it. Kate, catching on did the same. Then both pretended to sleep.
When Faith was gone Ping recited a Chi spell that rendered both him and Kate invisible. They then spied on the women as they dressed as if for a ball. Then Azubah clapped her hands and her bed sunk into the floor, revealing a stair case that swirled with light. Ping and Kate could sense the black magik. They followed the women. Kate accidently stepped on Love's dress and Love cried out.
"No one's pulling on your dress, Love," Azubah snapped, "you just caught it on a splinter."
They walked down the stairs then thru a forest of golden trees. Ping made to break off a twig but Kate stopped him and picked up some golden seed pods and leaves from the ground. They then did the same in the forest of silver trees and the forest of diamond trees. They came to a lake and in the middle of the lake was a castle. Twelve swan shaped boats were poled across by goblin-like men, slaves that did nothing but ferry the women back and forth. Ping snuck into Ester's boat and Kate into Love's. They followed them into the castle where almost all the princes - plus common soldiers and farmers and any other hopeful men - stood like terra cotta warriors. Each princess picked one and danced with him. When they tired of one they put them back in place and danced with another. Invisible servants served wine and food.
Kate stole Love's wine cup at one point. Ping took a dagger from one of the men.
When dawn drew near they crossed again. This time Ping in Azubah's boat and Kate in Faith's. They went straight to the throne room - not even bothering to dispel the Chi spell until they were in front of the king. After he had the guards drag his daughters into the room Ping and Kate revealed everything.
"The place reeks of black magik," Ping declared, waving his hand at the items they had collected, "as does your daughter, Azubah."
"It's a LIE!" Azubah declared, "You should have this slant eyed freak killed!"
Love, shocked by her sister's racism, shouted out, "It IS true, father. Azubah is a witch and we've kept the men prisoners so we could dance. My sisters so men would finally pay attention to them. Myself so I could get some relief from being fawned over by so many at once."
So it came to be that the men were freed, the magical world destroyed, and Azubah burned as a witch. The other sisters, after seeing what jealousy and anger got Azubah, gladly entered the convent and took up the veil. Ping and Kate returned to Ping's home in great honor. So much that the emperor invited them to dine with him. After hearing about how they came upon their riches he went to this kingdom, taking his son, who had been blinded in a battle to save his mother's life, with him. Love was quite taken with the blind prince and he with her. He was a few years older then her and appreciated her for her mind rather then her looks. So of course they married and when the king finally died - possibly from something he picked up from one of his wenches - they took over his kingdom.
None of their kids had Biblical names.
The End
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